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The Key to Expanding to Your Full Potential

An Introduction to your Upper Limit and your Zone of Genius

A partial summary of The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks

How do you celebrate a big win, or a perfect moment? What do you do when you are in one of those precious mountaintop experiences? What we tend to do in the moment is to sabotage it. We get the high, and then we immediately do something to lessen the experience or the joy we get from it.

For some reason a memory that sticks in my mind is a rare opportunity a couple of years ago when my oldest son and I went to a baseball game together, just the two of us. We got some hot dogs, were enjoying the game, the weather was perfect, the stands weren’t crowded. The moment was perfect. And then we decided to get ice cream, because it was an opportunity to get dippin dots. A few minutes after eating them we both didn’t feel good and my son was so distracted by his stomach feeling unhappy that we left, really early. In the middle of the perfect weather and the non-crowded stands and the rare occasion for just he and I to hang out, just be together in such a perfect setting. But I knew enough to tell the spell was broken, he was unhappy, we might as well go home.

I could tell you other stories from my life. Once I understood the Upper Limit, I started to recognize my behavior of self-sabotaging myself in those moments of perfect happiness. Since I’ve learned about my Upper Limit, I’ve become much happier more consistently, because I learned about an obstacle to my happiness, and how to recognize and overcome it. Most importantly, I have a radar in my head that watches for those moments where I’m really happy, and reminds me to savor the moment, and to really question anything I seek to add to it.

What is the Upper Limit? It’s the main premise in a book called The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. From years of research and experience of his own and with his clients, he concludes that we each have a kind of ‘set point’ for our happiness and that we are not used to being happier than that level, so much so that when we raise our happiness to that level, we will do something to sabotage ourselves and bring ourselves back down to a level where we are comfortable. This is mostly subconscious, but you can learn to recognize it.

This affect often shows up when you are starting to have success in multiple areas of your life. Unless you dismantle your Upper Limit, when you have financial success, you will sabotage yourself in the area of relationships, or vice versa. It also shows up in small everyday events. A good example is when you’ve prepared for a party or a dinner and everyone is hanging out, and then you have the urge to go get one more thing, or run to the store for something. Is it really necessary, or are you just avoiding sitting still and receiving the good that wants to come into your life?

Your Upper Limit will keep you from living in your Zone of Genius which is his other big supporting concept in the book. You’ve probably heard this phrase used recently, it’s gaining traction because it’s a fun, powerful idea that evokes an emotional reaction. But people often talk about genius similar to passion, as if you just need to find it.

But your Zone of Genius is something you need to fight for. Hendricks identifies four zones; he says we each have a zone of incompetence, of competence, of excellence, and of genius, and that the temptation is to stay in our Zone of Excellence because that is where we are successful, and predictable; people can count on us. But he says if we don’t make the leap to the Zone of Genius, something precious inside of us will die.

The key to making the leap is removing your Upper Limit. This is done in two basic ways. The first is to identify your key limiting beliefs. He identifies four primary ones and calls them hidden barriers. The second is an ongoing process of reconditioning yourself and changing your thinking; he provides a great list of practical strategies for doing this.

So what are the limiting beliefs, the 4 hidden barriers he identifies? These are reasons that we believe we cannot expand to our full potential. They are: feeling fundamentally flawed, avoiding disloyalty and abandonment, believing that more success brings a bigger burden, and a concern around outshining others.

Here are the sentences he gives that represent the unconscious beliefs. He says everyone has at least one, some people have a few. For myself and everyone I’ve talked to, at least one of these jumps off the page at you.

I cannot expand to my full creative genius because something is fundamentally wrong with me. (ie. I’m not worthy of it)

I cannot expand to my full success because it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave behind people in my past.

I can’t expand to my highest potential because I’d be an even bigger burden than I am now.

I must not expand to my full success, because if I did I would outshine others and make them look or feel bad.

Having laid the groundwork, he calls it the ‘root structure’ of the Upper Limit, he says, “Your Upper Limit Problem lives in the moment-by-moment interactions you have with yourself and the people around you. There is only one way to get this data, and that is to focus your keen awareness on specific aspects of your daily life.” (pg 61)

For the ongoing process – he calls it a ‘lifelong pursuit’ – of removing your upper limit, he provides a list of common behaviors to watch for: worry, criticism and blame, deflecting, squabbling, getting sick or hurt, hiding significant feelings, not keeping agreements not speaking significant truths to the relevant people.

His approach here is to look at each of these behaviors when they occur, to ask yourself what they are really about, and challenge yourself to embrace and receive abundance, success and love in your life, and reject these behaviors when they come up, along with the mental thoughts that created them.

Your goal through this ongoing activity is to expand your capacity for abundance, love and success.

After establishing all of this, he goes on in the second half of the book to talk about how to find and live in your zone of genius.

For more on how to dismantle the four hidden barriers read my next post on this, How to Dismantle Your Upper Limit: 3 Truths for Removing Limiting Beliefs

Reflections on marketing formulas and when to buy online courses

Business, Marketing

Today I’m thinking about all the formulas that are out there being taught. And I want to help you change your approach and your perspective on them. These teachers tried a lot of things, and then something worked for them, and they became successful. Their success attracted attention and questions, and then they realized people would pay to learn how to be successful the same way they did.

It is a powerful and valid principle to study those who have accomplished what you want to accomplish, but I see too much of success being boiled down to specific formulas and then sold, and then people paying for the formula and then following it (or not) and perhaps having some initial success (or not).

What you need to know is that business success is about so much more than a specific marketing formula.

First, the formula itself may be valid but it needs to match you. What are your goals, your business model, your personality, your lifestyle requirements? Not every formula will work for you, or necessarily produce the kind of success that is right for you.

Second, you need to build your character if you want to have success. Focus, persistence, hard work, creativity, discipline – these are the kinds of traits you will need to cultivate, and you will need them in varying degrees depending on who you are and what you are trying to do.

The point I want to make here is that none of these marketing courses talk about the underlying character disciplines that are necessary to truly implement these formulas over time in a way that they will work if they are in fact the right process for you.

Third, the best way forward is to learn from others but focus on creating your own customized strategy or formula, that you use and tweak until you find what works for you.

I see two good options in discovering the right marketing strategy for you. The first is to follow the online teachers and buy their courses and follow their podcasts and read their blog posts – and think critically about them. Compare them to each other, ask yourself what they are telling you that is about the technical tools or the nature of the online world, and what is from their experience. Consider what character qualities they exhibit. And then once you’ve done your research and learned a lot of good information, take a season of time to shut it all out and focus on yourself and your business.

If you want to keep learning, focus on personal development stuff that will help you be the person you need to be, to run the business you want to have.

And get creative. And start building your own custom marketing strategy. Find what you love, find what they need. Make it match your lifestyle needs, and make sure it puts you working with the kind of people you want to do life with. Sketch out a basic plan, and as soon as the core idea is formed, start doing it. Then learn from that, look at how it is or is not authentic to you.

As your business model takes shape, and you do marketing activity, does it feel good to you? Do you like how you are spending your days? Are you getting any engagement? Don’t worry about getting a lot of response online at first, because you want. But if you see hints of the right kinds, and your daily and weekly activities resonate with you, at your core, then just keep working your plan, and adjusting as you go.

This is what I’ve done. This will be one of the posts I’ll point to when people ask later how I became successful, which course did I follow, which formula worked. And I can tell them how often I posted and where, but I’ll tell them that won’t matter to them.

What truly matters in making a marketing strategy that will bring you the success you’re seeking is to learn the basics of what is available and possible online, and then to search your heart and your mind to discover what you want to do with the possibilities. The other thing I’d tell them that matters immensely is to embark on a serious personal development journey, and to go wide and deep with it. But that’s a post for another day.

I mentioned that there are two options for discovering the right marketing strategy for you and your business. The first is the process I just outlined of doing the research and then applying it to yourself. The second is basically the same but with a strategic shortcut: hire a coach.

You could hire a marketing coach to help you do this process more effectively, and authentically. As a coach they help you identify important details about what you really want for yourself and your business. And as a marketer they have a ton of knowledge about what is possible and the big ideas and formulas that have been put out there, which means working with them saves you a ton of time and money in doing the research to get the bigger picture than just one teacher or one course. They bring their knowledge of marketing and passion to help people, and develop a relationship with you and become a partner with you in your journey toward personal success. They help you identify and pursue your goals, keeping you on the right track as you try things to see both what works for you, and what you want for yourself and your business.

This is what I do, and this is why I do what I do. If you are looking for a marketing coach, I’d love to get on a free call with you to explore what you truly need, and see if we are a good fit to work together. You’ll find a link below this post to schedule a discovery call.

But the most important thing that I want you to know, is that there is an amazing world of opportunity online, and that the most powerful thing you can do is creatively design a unique approach and angle that fits you and that will stand out in the marketplace.

You do this not by following cookie cutter instructions, but by doing a) further research online, and b) a lot of soul searching, and then when you begin to find something that speaks to you, you work hard at it, and when you love it and you’re motivated, you really begin to build the character disciplines that will enable you to go the distance and make tangible progress toward your big goals and dreams.

When you do this right, you won’t have time for netflix and magazines and surfing the web anymore. But you know what? You won’t miss it.

You can have a focused, purposeful, authentic life around building a profitable business that you love. But the road to get you there is so much more complex than buying a single expensive course and following all of the steps.

I told myself that this year I would tell you the honest truth from my heart, to help you know the true path to success.

And this is what was on my heart today, so my challenge to you is to dream big, and to find the courage to write your own story. Learn from others, but embrace the journey of finding your own path. Once you find it, you’ll know, and you’ll never look back.

To your future,
Alicia

These 5 People Are Changing My Life

Books, Business

This post has affiliate links, which means I may make a small commission if you follow the link and make a purchase. This is always at no additional cost to you, and I only promote resources I love. I’m so grateful for your support. Learn more here.

I’ve met some amazing people this week, and the week before that. Really, every week since I decided to quit my job I’ve been amazed at the wonderful people that have come into my life. For those I’ve gotten to connect with, I’m so grateful for the way we’ve been able to contribute to each other, so often just within a 1 hr zoom call. And then there are a few I haven’t met but who through courses or other material have become a significant factor in my growth this fall.

So I thought this week I would share a list of people I’m so grateful to be learning from in this intense transition into self employment and entrepreneurship. I have been amazed to take away something significant from every single connection or coffee chat, but this list is those who have in some way been pouring into my life week after week since early September. (So now that I type that I realize it’s only been 30 days, but it feels like a lifetime because my job already feels like a previous life.)

Ok, here is a little bit about each person, and then more on what I’m learning from them:

1. Samantha Siffring – Samantha is my business coach. Our main focus has been mindset, which is exactly what I need and all I can say is that she is amazing. It’s hard to explain what she does, but one thing I can say I’m learning is how to be intentional about my thoughts, in order to change my feelings and actions. If you’re interested in getting to know her better, check out her podcast, The Badass Mother Podcast. I’ve been meaning to start checking out podcasts and hers is the first one I’ve finally started listening to, and I love it. The only thing better than it is her group coaching membership that she launched this year, its called the TBH Inner Circle. I hang out in this facebook group weekly and watch new content as she adds it, and there are some cool mini courses in there I haven’t even gotten to yet.

I’m learning from Samantha to take ownership of my thoughts, and that I am the only thing stopping me from creating a life that I love. And that the process to get there is not as complicated as I think it needs to be.

2. Sarah Masci – Sarah is a branding genius. I met her this summer and started with her free Mood Board challenge, which I highly recommend, and then took the plunge and signed up for her Simple Brand Academy and it has been totally worth it. She has a special gift for helping those of us who need a brand but can’t afford a designer to go step by step and create our own brand vision, materials, and then system so that we can create our brand materials cohesively and along the way as we are working our business.

I’m learning from Sarah how to pull out of myself the ideas I have about my brand, and then turn those ideas and feelings into words and images that convey who I am and what I do.

3. Michelle Vroom – Michelle convinced me that her Market Like a Boss group coaching program would help me with my marketing plan and finding clients. It was a hard step to take because I am a marketer, I think I already know a lot about marketing, but not about finding clients per se. Anyway, I’m amazed at how much value I’ve gotten out of the first 10 days, including crying once a week because she loves us enough to tell us what we need to hear and not what feels good. And because she’s been there and is able to walk us through the personal transformation we need to have, and the mental shifts we need to embrace in order to really become business owners who think and act like the entrepreneurs we were meant to be.

Michelle is guiding me through the process of giving myself permission to be confident, own my value, and take the steps to market myself like I know how to.

4. Dana Malstaff – I’ve been in her Boss Moms facebook group for months, and then finally got around to discovering who she was. I watched a webinar and saw her teach for the first time and I was convinced she could help me. So now I’m learning all about how to develop a cohesive, and effective service-based business, in her course Raising Your Business. I think a good place to start is her free Find Your Value workbook.

I’m learning from Dana how to take my knowledge and my skills and efficiently create a smart business structure out of it.

5. Brendon Burchard – Brendon is the most amazing combination of success and heart that I’ve seen, right up there with Gary Vaynerchuk and some others. I think Brendon particularly resonates with me because he has a similar teaching style to me and is doing something closer to what I want to do some day. I’ve mentioned him before and have been following him the longest of everyone on this list. To get started learning from him, check out one of his books, my favorite is High Performance Habits, or find him on YouTube.

I’m learning from Brendon how to become a leader. And I’m so grateful for this because I’m passionate about helping moms to see themselves as leaders and to embrace that role in whatever way they are meant to.

The single thing I absolutely love the most about all five of these people is that I can feel their heart in everything that they do. They really care about you and I and want to help us along on our journey and see us succeed. I’ve taken many other courses over the past year and these are the people I’m sticking with right now, because not only do they provide value, but they also provide me examples of the kind of person I want to be as I find my way and create my own version of success.

Thoughts from The Third Option and How to Start Working from Home

Business, Motherhood, Parenting

Do you go to the office everyday? Do you stay at home with the kids? I’ve been working part time from home for years and I just read a book that was incredibly validating, informative and challenging all at once. I was researching about virtual assistants and discovered Shannon Miles’ recently released book, The Third Option and read it on my kindle in just a few days.

What I learned from this book is that there is both a massive opportunity for more moms to do what I do, and a better way for me to do it going forward. Companies like Shannon Miles’ Belay Solutions are helping solve the cost of entry problem for moms who want to take more control of their lives, in a way that provides income and professional fulfillment. For those who either aren’t ready to start a business, or perhaps don’t have a desire to, but are looking for a lifestyle change, Shannon lays out a viable third option.

It’s a path I’ve been walking for a long time but have by no means mastered. After 8 years of working from home I would tell you that it is a daily challenge. I continually renew my commitment to take on the dual challenges of staying at home and being a working mom, in order to have the income, and more time with my kids. I also constantly ask myself if there is a better way, and if I would still work if we paid off our student loans.

If you were to ask me if you should pursue making a move toward working part time from home, this is what I would tell you.

Know what you need. Know what you want out of life and why. I’ve read editorials on how working from home gives you the worst of both worlds and sometimes that is not far from the truth. I would tell you to learn from those of us who have gone before, and stand on our shoulders. I fully intend to continue working from home, but hopefully in a more healthy, balanced way in the next decade than the previous one.

This is a counter-cultural decision, which means you need to approach it with conviction and a proactive attitude. Here is what Shannon says:

“What you’ll find is that the best opportunities have to be sought out. They won’t just fall into your lap. The person who wants a Third Option isn’t content with simply taking what’s available. That person knows what they need from life and is willing to create a new way, a new opportunity, to make it happen.”

And this is what she says about how to know if it’s working, if you’ve found the right fit:

“It’s the intangible things that guide us best. You must be happy. You must be present for your family. You must be the best version of yourself.”

If you are considering making a shift to working from home, but are unsure because you don’t know what to expect, you should pick up The Third Option and read it. Listen to the way she talks about the person that you’ll need to be, and the benefits you’ll reap, and the challenges you’ll face.

While her company is actively pushing for more organizations to go fully virtual, I don’t know if that is practical, but then that’s not the world I know. I can’t gauge how much this trend will take over corporate culture in the years to come, but I do see that it is growing as an accepted practice and is increasingly viable as an option to moms with a desire to pursue it. If you need more autonomy, or more income, or an intellectual outlet, and are willing to work hard both to find the right opportunity for you, and then to make it work for your family, that option is there for you right now.

If you know you’d like to work from home, but you’re not sure how to get from here to there, carve out time to start learning about your options. Make sure you know what you need, what factors are important to you, and then do your research. I’ve been reading around on this quite a bit, and I think this Woman’s Day article and this Time Doctor article are good places to start. They cover the main categories of work at home jobs, with links to reputable companies, and tips for what to avoid. If you’re in an MLM or considering joining one, I’d also recommend this CreditCards.com article about MLMs and credit card debt.

This post originally appeared on energyformoms.com.