Books

Do you typically read fiction books, non-fiction, or neither?

I love non-fiction and generally devote about 90% of my reading time to it, with the exception of the rare occasions where my brain needs a break and I look for some quality fiction that will give me a mental breather instead of watching something which has the risk of pulling me into a tv-binge session in Netflix.

Anne at ModernMrsDarcy.com just released her summer reading guide and I’m considering trying one of the five books she put in her Minimalist Summer Reading Guide this year.

This also gave me the idea to do my own non-fiction reading list for moms. In the interest of avoiding information overload or adding decisions to our lives, I decided to pick a topic: Priorities and Time Management, and 3 books that would be hugely beneficial for you to read over the summer. I’ll be posting about ideas from these books, as well as covering related topics and providing worksheets.

I believe the most foundational activity we can do for this journey is to work on understanding our uniqueness, through value discovery and strategic personality assessments, and then build on that with goals, dreams and priorities. But in order to do any of those things, we need to stop living on overload, we need to carve out some time to actually think and write. So these books are about finding time and changing our mindset about life, time, commitments, etc as well as practical steps to take in that direction. If all 3 is ambitious, just pick one to try to read. I will be covering all of them in the next few months, as well as other valuable books that are not as light of reads. I picked these three specifically because they are a good return on investment but they are also very accessible and just easy to read.

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Learn more here

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives

Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think

I love reading, writing, and sharing new ideas, so for me blogging is intensely fulfilling and is quickly becoming an integral part of my life. You know something is a perfect fit when you find yourself wondering where it’s been all your life. That’s how I feel about blogging.

For those of you interested in starting a blog I wanted to share the resources I found most helpful. As a writer, I found these really helped me to get up and running and quickly able to focus on the writing and not get bogged down by the technical aspects.

I want to preface this list with one thing: ‘Know your Why’. Why do you want to blog? To write, to share your message, find accountability, connect with others, make money from home?
Blogging is great for all of these things. And there are also other ways to do each of these things that might be a better fit for you. So my first resource is one I highly recommend starting with.

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Learn more here

Money-Making Mom: How Every Woman Can Earn More and Make a Difference, by Crystal Paine

If you love writing or you have content you want to share, such as recipes or crafts, then blogging may be a great fit for you. If you’re not sure, I highly recommend Money Making Mom, by Crystal Paine. She does an amazing job of covering a variety of options and coaching you through the process of determining which one might fit your strengths, personality and situation best.

The Knowtbook

For blogging specifically my favorite resource by far is Amy Lynn Andrews. The only thing I love more than her blog is her Knowtbook. She covers all the basic technical steps on her blog. The Knowtbook is easier to read through than the blog and she updates it regularly. She also sends out a weekly Useletter that I recommend subscribing to regardless of whether you start a blog or pursue some of the many other options of side work for moms. She watches for trends and resources and highlights the best ones.

How To Blog For Profit: Without Selling Your Soul, by Ruth Soukup
This is a great read that will help you prioritize your time and structure your efforts. Her advice and reasoning was so compelling that I found myself putting down the book to work on the step outlined in each chapter before moving on.

StudioPress
I use StudioPress themes for WordPress and couldn’t be happier with them. For my WordPress site I use the Genesis Framework and their child themes and highly recommend it. A quality theme saves you a lot of time. Let me know if you want input picking which child theme to go with, I’d be happy to help you. If you are going to make some money setting up sites for clients, you should consider getting the Pro Plus All Theme package, which is what I did. I’m currently using the Divine child theme for the Genesis Framework, by Restored316Designs.com. I love it and she has some really helpful videos about the different ways that you can set it up.

CreativeMarket.com
This is a website that provides a platform for thousands of independent designers to sell their products to people like you and I who can’t afford a designer and just need a boost with some nice elements we can easily add to our blog template or theme.

I use 1&1 for hosting, which has WordPress functionality built in as an option for you to build on any domain.

I’m not going to go into further detail because there is so much good info online already. But since you can easily get information overload wading through it I’m excited to point you toward the ones I really found helpful. I also want to mention a book I love that is just about writing:

The Writer’s Book of Wisdom: 101 Rules for Mastering Your Craft
If you love writing, or have content such as crafts or recipes that you’d like to share, I would recommend giving blogging a try. A blog requires a lot of writing regardless so here is my current favorite resource for writing. I frequently pick it up and read a few pages in it and it always inspires me.

Making Sense of Affiliate Marketing
I loved this course by Michelle Schroeder-Gardner at makingsenseofcents.com.  In Making Sense of Affiliate Marketing I learned all of the strategies she used on her successful blog. I decided to take this course after reading around and seeing multiple different bloggers say that this was the best course on the topic, and after assessing the various options and determining affiliate marketing was a strategy I should try, and that it was worth investing in the course. I highly recommend it, and I would love to help you work through ideas to implement if you take the course.

I gave myself a quick refresher on my favorite book about willpower recently because I vaguely remembered several concepts that I thought would be applicable to us as moms in our daily life, as well as for some of the changes I’m trying to make right now. I rediscovered a wealth of great material that I’ll be diving into further later, but for now as an introduction here are 7 things you need to know about willpower.

These ideas are all from Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney. This is an affiliate link. Learn more here

1. Willpower is the closest thing to the proverbial ‘silver bullet’ that you’ll find for personal development

Of the two personal traits, that are most consistently tied to success and all the positive aspects you want to see in your life, only one is under your power to change: willpower. The other is intelligence. Psychologists have found that understanding how willpower works is the single biggest thing you can use to increase your overall happiness.

2. Willpower becomes depleted throughout the day

You have one energy reserve that provides willpower which is what you use when you exercise self-control. This same source is used to make decisions.  The process of drawing on this source is called ego depletion, and it is depleted most notably by resisting desires, suppressing feelings and making decisions. When you do any of these things you’re drawing on your continued ability to do any of them, and using your willpower in one area of life affects what you have available for the rest of your life.

This includes decisions that you enjoy making. Think about the last time you went on a long shopping trip. Toward the end it was harder to make decisions and when you finished you probably felt exhausted and worn out. But the affect is much less if you were really just window shopping and not making actual purchase decisions.

As moms I think we are especially vulnerable to decision fatigue once our children get old enough to talk. This is why you might start the day cheerfully answering your kids’ questions and end it dreading another question and doing what you can to postpone it or to answer without really thinking. A useful strategy here is to have a set list of mental rules, whether known to your kids are not, if you have predetermined rules or guidelines about things like snacks, screen time, and bed time, you can field their questions without actually making nearly as many on-the-spot decisions. I need to work on this now that my kids are older.

Final thought on this point: if you’re feeling stressed out and negative late at night, the best thing you can do might be to just go to sleep.

3. As willpower decreases, feelings and cravings intensify

Throughout the book they share about interesting studies that have been done to test various theories and tease out what we know about willpower in various ways. One question they asked was how to recognize the state of lower willpower. This proved hard to nail down but the common indicator they found was that feelings are stronger and desires and cravings get more intense. This is unfortunate because having less willpower causes symptoms that require more willpower.

4. We don’t like giving up options

The most fatiguing activity requiring willpower is casting the die, making a final decision, especially one that has an opportunity cost. We have trouble shutting the door on a choice. Psychologists have proven that people have difficulty giving up options even when the options aren’t doing them any good. This is one reason decluttering can be difficult, and suggests it might be a bad activity to do at the end of a busy day.

5. Willpower can be refueled with glucose

Scientific studies have shown that when your willpower has been depleted, eating something sweet can quickly restore it. Everything you eat breaks down into glucose, just at different speeds, but when you’re stressed out and exercising a lot of willpower, this is why you will suddenly really want something sweet. So if you or your spouse have had a mentally intense day don’t make any big decisions or start hard conversations right when you or they get home. If something needs to be talked about that evening at least wait until after dinner.

6. You can take steps to increase your willpower

Studies have shown that doing exercises such as taking 2 weeks to practice good posture or keep a food log of everything you eat can improve the stamina of your willpower and typically has a positive affect on other areas of life during that period of time. Intentional repetition strengthens willpower so that it is depleted slower. Other ideas that would be easy to implement are things like watching what you say by not saying ‘like’ or saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘yeah’. Exercising self-control makes you better at exercising self-control.

7. The best strategy is to use it to adjust your habits

Researchers found that people with strong willpower don’t rely on it. They use it ‘ahead of time’ to put good habits in place and remove bad habits. Habits are powerful because they are automated processes that don’t require self control or decision making. When you have good habits in place, you use less energy all day and can be more ready for surprises. Daily habits are difficult to keep as a mom, but this makes me think I should pick a few good ones and fight for them.

Studies also showed that an orderly environment can have a similar affect and will provide cues that influence you positively and trigger automated processes that don’t take as much energy

I’m excited about the potential applications I see here. Let me know what you would use more willpower for, and watch for upcoming posts about willpower and finances, decluttering, weight loss and parenting.

Tsh Oxenreider is a homebody. She is also an adventurer with a relentless case of wanderlust. I love this paradox almost as much as I love the way she takes us along for the ride in At Home in the World: Reflections on Belonging While Wandering the Globe, released last month. (This is an affiliate link. Learn more here.)

I have to admit, this book took me by surprise. Usually I look for a topic and read descriptions of books, debating which ones to buy and how soon I might get around to reading them. Or I’ll be waiting for a book that I know one of my favorite authors is writing. One idea I had for this blog was to watch for when my favorite authors were releasing new books, and support them by preordering and then writing about them. This was the first one, and I had somehow missed it. It wasn’t on my radar until March. I even considered skipping it because travel memoir is a bit removed from the productivity genre I was planning to focus on. I’m so glad I read it.

Here are my main takeaways from the book, starting with the most obvious, and ending with the surprise.

1. If she and her husband can take their 3 kids age ten and under around the world for 9 months, my husband and I can take our 4 boys age 7 and under on a weekend camping trip several times a year. We usually make it 2-3 times, regardless of the age of the baby, so we’ve been doing well. But I want to go more often. I want it to be normal, and I know the more often we go the easier it will be.
2. New Zealand is beautiful, people in Africa are some of the friendliest you will meet, Europe is amazing, etc. The only other book in the travel memoir genre I’ve ever read was Bill Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country about Australia. I did go to Uganda on a 2 month mission trip in college. It was fun to read about her experience there and it helped to give me some context for the other places she went.
3. Home and belonging is a profound concept. Because Tsh and her husband sold their house before they left, throughout their journey they were watching for a place to call home, a place that might speak to them in that special way. In celebration of the book’s release she invited readers to post on their blogs and social media about places they feel at home in the world. (Read my post here) When she talks about feeling at home on the other side of the world, house sitting for a friend, and at the same time feeling a sense of loss and displacement, which she partly attributes to having sold their home, what she says resonates with me, I feel like I can understand how she feels.
4. We are small. It is both glorious and frightening that the world is such a big, big place. Her desire to be reminded of her smallness in the world is wise. I think we all can benefit from a larger perspective, and we often do whenever tragedy strikes somewhere whether in the news or a friend of a friend. I think it’s wonderful that simply traveling and seeing some of the many many people in many different places who also inhabit this world can do that for her, and for us to as we get swept along on her journey with her.
5. I don’t want to travel the world, at least not soon with small children. I am quite content to get a glimpse through her eyes, and schedule a camping trip on our calendar for the Appalacian Mountains or the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
6. She hints throughout the book at her own spiritual journey, and I am amazed at how much those few pieces resonate deep in my soul. Here is one:
   “I have embarked on this year of travel…feeling less confident than I did a decade ago about what I believe to be true, and how that truth intersects with who I am. I am weary from game playing and formulaic answers, and the evangelical-Christian hat that I have worn daily with every outfit since I was fourteen feels too small, headache inducing. I fidget daily in its discomfort, but I don’t know how to exchange it, how it should be resized. Perhaps I can stitch a new hat from scraps I find scattered around the globe.” (52)I seek out new ideas like she seeks out new vistas. She didn’t travel to ‘find herself’, but she also doesn’t claim to have all the answers. She and her husband traveled because they knew who they were, adventurers, with a desire to impart some incredible truths and experiences to their children. I think I’m on the right track because this blog will keep me reading, writing and thinking. I wouldn’t say I need to find myself like a young person does, but I think I’m still growing into my identity as a mom.
7. Her biggest takeaway was the overarching value and significance of community. Their favorite places were the ones in which they enjoyed longer stays, settled long enough to cultivate some relationships and feel a bit settled in a place. This was the biggest factor in where they finally decided to make their permanent home after the trip. I want spoil it except to say that they chose those they loved over exotic, historic places.

After reading At Home in The World and American Mania partly overlapping, I can’t help but draw some connections. As human beings we are naturally homebodies, but as Americans specifically we have a novelty-seeking side of us that we can’t escape. I think that as women we each need to grapple with the convergence of these two opposing instincts and find an answer that fits our uniqueness, and nourishes and strengthen us and our families.

Not necessarily unused, but new-to-me, new-to-this-moment? We all love the thrill of something new. This is one reason it works to cycle toys in and out of use. Put neglected toys in the attic for a few months, bring them back out and they feel new and the kids love playing with them. Have you ever splurged on something at the store, didn’t find the time to use it, and then found yourself back at the store considering buying a similar item? Whenever I attempt to declutter my house I find craft and project ideas I want to do that had been forgotten on a shelf. I usually end up vowing (again) not to buy anything new for awhile because I have plenty of projects sitting around the house that would be fun to work on.

I got some fun educational books for my kids last month. We opened them, did a few pages and then got distracted by something. I feel like when we are ready for them I should put them back in an Amazon box on the front porch so they’ll feel new, with that fresh sense of excitement. I wonder if we’d appreciate them more than if I pulled them down off of a shelf. Probably. Why is that?

In American Mania: When More is Not Enough, Peter C. Whybrow tackles this question as a neuroscientist. (This is an affiliate link, learn more here)  It turns out that risk taking and novelty seeking are highly heritable characteristics. Historically, during times of great upheaval about 2% of the population would leave and 98% would stay. We can trace back along the paths of migration an increase in both genes and behavior that shows that the farther people groups moved from where they started, the more genetically predisposed they were to be of a risk taking and novelty seeking temperament. These characteristics helped them leave, and helped them be successful on their journey, and were generally traits that were passed down to their children. In the past 500 years, the United States has been the largest destination for migrants. Our country is made up predominantly of the offspring of those willing to move to a new country in search of a better life.

The real significance of this is that as Americans you and I have a migrant temperament. While it will vary in intensity from person to person, this means that compared to the rest of the world we are a country of risk-takers and novelty-seekers, with a love of adventure and a keen sense of curiosity. This is a profound truth that has shaped our country and I believe it can provide us some invaluable insight into our culture and ourselves.

After the first time I read this book a few years ago, I saw the world differently, I saw myself differently. And I know this has incredible implications for my family and how we parent our children, I’m just still trying to figure it out. My husband and I feel strongly about having the mindset of producers, not consumers and imparting this mentality to our boys, so that is where I will start.

The incredible migrant strengths such as innovation and creativity, and the values of persistence and hard work have made this country what it is today. Unfortunately in our enthusiasm we have prioritized wealth over the social structures that would keep our lives in balance.

I think that part of the answer is to embrace our creativity. I want to empty our home of clutter, items that simply provided something novel in the moment. And then selectively let items take space in our house that contribute to our lives, as parts of meaningful collections, or hobbies, that contribute to our happiness and facilitate our attempts to be creative and produce things of value.

My first challenge is to apply this to my current project of decluttering and organizing the house and pursuing a simpler form of life – as much as is possible with four active boys. But simpler doesn’t mean less. The current trend emphasizing simplifying and minimalism has been around awhile and I’ve been slow to get on the bandwagon but I’m starting to see that simpler doesn’t mean less, it can mean richer, fuller, more focused, less scattered, more meaningful, less empty – a more purposeful life.

If you enjoyed this post, buy American Mania, and let me know what you learn from it!

Updated June 30, 2017

I’ve got a great stack of books on my desk. I’m so excited, I just wanted to let you know what’s coming up and give you a chance to vote! Let me know which one you want to hear about and I’ll bump it to the top of the list. Here they are in alphabetical order.

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Learn more here

Here is my May 2017 Can’t Wait to Read Next book list:

Starry-Eyed: Seeing Grace in the Unfolding Constellation of Life and Motherhood by Mandy Arioto

Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Alter
June Update: I read it! You can read my takeaways from the book here.

Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
June Update: I read it and the first Boundaries book. You can read my takeaways from the book here.

The Values Factor: The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Life by Dr. John Demartini

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn
Posts inspired by this book: How to Delegate the Invisible Work that you do at Home, and 4 Simple Strategies for Getting Your Husband and Kids to Help Around the House

Mom Energy: A Simple Plan to Live Fully Charged by Ashley Koff, R.D. and Kathy Kaehler

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson
May Update: Loved, loved, loved this one! Read the post about here.

I’m rereading/skimming American Mania: When More is Not Enough by Peter C. Whybrow, M.D., and then I’m going to read his newest book, The Well-Tuned Brain: The Remedy for a Manic Society
I reread American Mania, and you can read my post about it and the appeal of something new.

Comment below and let me know which one you’d like to hear about!

Update: I read most of these, and transferred the last few to my new list which you can read here.

Updated June 16, 2017

I’m currently rereading 168 Hours and Salt Sugar Fat, and the books on my summer list, see below.

These 5 books are must-reads that I would recommend to anyone and everyone. I am a better, deeper person for having read each of them, and I’m hoping to reread all of them within the next 6-9 months, and maybe reread sections and post on them even sooner, because I know I just scratched the surface, because I’ll notice and see things I didn’t see before, and because I’m excited to share them with you.

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Learn more here

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think
Laura Vanderkam
Buy Now

When I read 168 Hours for the first time, it changed how I think about time, and the choices I have as a mom. I read it in 2012 while I was working part time from home with two small children and it has ever since been my guiding framework for how I think about time management, priorities, work-life balance, and what kind of commitments I can fit into my life. Laura convinced me I could keep working while raising my kids and I’m so glad I did. If I had made a different decision back then I would not have seen the personal and professional growth that I’ve been able to experience over the past 5 years, even alongside having two more children.

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
John Eldredge
Buy Now

When I read Wild At Heart, it changed my marriage. Actually I read it before I got married, but I’m so glad I did because it changed how I view men and marriage and prepared me for raising boys. It’s on my reread list as my boys get older, and as my husband and I move into the next season of life with older children and more opportunities to pursue adventure and be wild at heart.

Shiny Objects: Why We Spend Money We Don’t Have in Search of Happiness We Can’t Buy
James A. Roberts
Buy Now

Shiny Objects started me on a long profound journey of thinking differently about possessions, our consumer-based society, and how we use our resources of money, time and energy. This is on my current reread list, particularly the next time I do another spending freeze. If you want some concrete reasons for practicing contentment, check out this book. It will change the way you view possessions and relationships and the affect they have on each other.

Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us
Michael Moss
Buy Now

My eyes were opened to the dangers of processed food for the first time when I read Salt Sugar Fat. I have since read other similar books, but this one stands out. Reading it will educate you about the industry and cause you to consider intelligently the messages you receive about what to buy. We must take responsibility and be intentional about what we bring home and feed our families. Just because someone is selling it to you does not mean it is good for your family.

American Mania: When More is Not Enough
Peter C. Whybrow, M.D.
Buy Now

In American Mania, he sheds light on our collective feeling of being overworked and dissatisfied in an environment full of affluence and opportunity, using scientific insight into the biology of the brain, and the genetics of the migrant temperament. This book really helped me understand myself in a new way, and has intriguing implications for how we think, and for how we parent our children. I recently explored in a post how it helps us explain, what is the appeal of something new.

Runners Up:

Start with Why by Simon Sinek, In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan, and Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen

More Lists

I’m linking up with Modern Mrs Darcy’s Quick Lit June 2017 where you can read more lists for summer 2017.

This summer I’m working through the 3 books on my Summer 2017 Reading List, and These 8 Books I Had Picked to Read Next.

The Regent University library (or really any library) and the Appalachian mountains (or any campsite)

At Home in The World

One of my favorite authors, Tsh Oxenreider, released a new book this week! It’s called At Home in the World and it chronicles a nine month trip she and her husband took with their three young children around the world. I got my copy yesterday and started reading it last night. I’m quite enjoying it, I had to make myself put it down and go to bed! I’ll be posting more about the book soon, but to help her celebrate, I’m accepting the invitation on her blog to write about where I feel at home in the world.

I couldn’t choose, so I picked two places: a library, and a campsite.

Libraries

I love books. If you know me, or you read my blog for very long, this will become apparent. I grew up in Kansas City (same house, 18 yrs) and went to college in Oklahoma, then I moved to Virginia Beach to get my masters at Regent University. Now I live across town in Suffolk, VA. I’m in a season now (with a toddler and a baby and two boys in school) where I don’t often leave the house unless I’m going to the office for a quick meeting, or to get the boys from school. My life since leaving home has consisted of eight years focused on being a student, and then eight years as a full time mom with a part time job at home.

I’ve recently revived my hobby and passion for reading and writing, and I remember fondly those eight years of which many hours were spent in the respective school libraries. Sitting in a library for several hours to read or write is not something I have actually done in years, which makes that answer a bit odd. Until it occurs to me that if I were to walk into a library tomorrow and sit down to work on a project I would feel quite at home — even if it was a library I had never been to. And I think that is quite a delightful and wonderful thought.

Camping

I love camping. My husband loves camping. He was an eagle scout so he is good at camping (which makes it really fun). And I think all kids love the outdoors and mine definitely love camping. As many things as I love about camping, my favorite is definitely the campfire. We always buy wood, and we still collect wood throughout the day to be certain to have an hours long fire in the evening. After a full day of activity, and nature, and a dinner cooked over the coals, the sun sets and we break out the s’mores supplies and add more wood to the fire. We circle the camp chairs and watch the fire go through its cycle of bright flames with fresh wood, to a warm glow with the wood collapsing to the higher brighter flames of fresh wood stacked in a cabin or teepee formation depending on the wood shape and size. We tell stories and look up at the stars and take turns taking kids to the bathroom. Eventually they go in to the tent and fall asleep. And that’s my favorite part, that special moment when all you hear is the wood crackling and the wind whistling in the trees. I love to sit and stare at the fire, alternating with staring at the stars and the woods.

And I feel at home. When we set up a campsite, whether it’s a much beloved camp ground we frequent, or one we’re visiting for the first time, each time we go camping, that campsite feels like home for a couple days, and never as much as when I sit beside the fire and feel that for one evening all is exactly how it should be. In the moment, I am home and away. Which is exactly what I need. I need to be away, to get away from the noise, the schedule, the demands, the city, the house. But just like Tsh says, I love my armchair with my bookshelf of books. But I also love the wildness of the forest and the lake and the ocean. Nature is amazing, and I love that when we go camping, I truly feel at home in the world.

I’m grateful to Tsh for pointing out this dichotomy in my life (I love an intriguing dichotomy). I can’t wait to finish her book and post about it. Stay tuned!

Note: I’m working on decluttering my house using Tsh’s guidance in her book, Organized Simplicity. I’ll be posting about that soon (hopefully soon!) with before and after pictures included.